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Oscillation upon the pavement's Journal  I joined the gym! gah! my life is really over now. I guess it is time to get back into shape once again. Give me a year, then ladies of L.A. watch out. I'll still be sitting at home on my computer, but at least now I'll be in shape, ah ha! see you in azeroth. One day i'll hit that bottom i've been barreling towards, maybe then I'll finally snap out of it. Until then, fuck it, time to cast some spells and forget about my life for as long as it takes to forget. I have met all of my goals for this year. I'm gainfully employed in a job I like most of the time. (of course i like it when I can work and stupid clients with their demands don't impede me). I now own a platform for my mattress, a desk, a chair, a new compter, and a 32'' LCD HDTV, and an overcoat. All of my material needs are met except my funds are currently lacking since I need a room mate to share my 2 bedroom with. But spiritually I am restless. I've reached that distant shore and I find myself empty, with no direction to point to, no wind at my back, and my rudder thrown overboard. I don't even know why I am in California anymore. I need some purpose of my own to define, something to strive for or against. I've fought off poverty and the courthouses, all that is left to conquer is the same thing I had at the start, myself. The saying i think is, "where ever you go, there you are." and it is true. Shrugs. I work. I sleep. I get money. I spend money. They all go towards futile ends. I guess the danger in being a sucess is that one sucess is never enough, you need more and more and more until that is all that is left, the want of more. But i want for nothing. I want to want something, anything...anyone. Such a rabble. To want to want, what a luxury. But spiritual hunger is the result of being materially sucessful, since we knew from the start where that road ends but we never did anything about it along the way. Like I said, wherever you go, there you are. Current music: Weezer -- Only in Dreams. ( Who comments the most on this journal? ) The past 5 days have been hectic. I thought doing a live event would be easy. I thought it would be better to be out doing a relatively easy setup instead of sitting at my cubicle all day and having to respond to the ridiculous requests of annoying clients who wouldn't know what the idea of art direction meant if it punched them in the face... I didn't realize how naive and green I was, or how I really still am...I learned many lessons from this event, the most important being, don't volunteer for events! The only real highlight of the past few days came when I met some charming ladies at this bar in Kansas city. I wanted to put a coke on the tab of this guy named Allan, whose last name I had forgotten but worked for the client I was at the event for. He told me to go in and put whatever I wanted on his tab. I couldn't recall his last name and trying to sober up I ordered a coke. The bar tender insisted on an id (thought we had already previously been inside and gotten drinks but from a different bartender) and that if I couldn't recall his last name I couldn't use his tab! It was quite absurd, but this nice girl offered to pay for my coke and we started a conversation from there, her and her friend, Kristin and Kara. I talked with them for quite a bit and they were utterly charming and delightful. I made a great exit and gave the one girl I had been chatting up the whole time, Kara, my card and told her if she is ever in California to look me up. She was a fellow couchsurfer and liked the bbc and the story of old greg too. I went back outside where Allan, my client, and Jerome, a coworker from my job's french office, were outside smoking. They couldn't believe what they heard. Allan was danish, and Jerome french, and the idea of a random conversation and a girl buying me a drink of all things it seems ridiculous to them. They told me how in their countries people keep to themselves and only in america could such a conversation occur. They were kind of jerks about it. I asked them if they didn't talk to random people at bars, how on earth did they ever meet anyone? They wanted me to go back inside and talk to the girls some more and get more drinks, but how could I? I had a perfect exit. To ruin that would spoil the evening and spoil the impression I had left on them. But I think that is one of the great things about america, people really are friendly here, you just have to give them a chance. Sure, not everyone is a keeper, but if you're in good spirits you can find others who share your mood quickly, even more so if there is alcohol invovled. They talked to some other bar patrons outside who heard our conversation, and mainly their accents, and with an invitation for a smoke, one joined in our conversation. Allan accosted her for not knowing where Denmark is and the terrible state of the american education system, though he himself had come to study in america at one point to get an american degree in addition to his european one. He talked about how ridiculously easy our schools are and all he did was party instead of study. I felt he was very rude to this poor woman who just wanted to make friends with some out of towners. Maybe she didn't know where Denmark was, but she knew not to be a jerk to strangers and was more welcoming than he was. I know it is really terrible to say, but I still really like americans, and I still think there is hope for america. When I fly between the coasts and I see the acres of open land, all I can do is think of the untapped possibilities that those areas still have. Kansas city was a ghost town. A city meant for people, but without a sole to be found. It was out of a horror movie almost. But I suppose that is a conversation for another night, or for an actual talk tet-te-tete Either way, I think I had a perfect exit. That is all you can really ask for these days. I was happy for a moment. But then I was home, and here I am. Wherever you go, there you are. maybe I can turn things around after all? I mean I have done more ridiculous and absurd things than this. I really do like working. Not working at work, but just pure unadulterated work in and of itself. I like when I spend an entire day at work doing work so much so I don't have any real time to be idle or have a single thought in my head besides my next problem and my next song on my last.fm playlist. It makes the time go by super quick. But I guess that is all a job is really, a way to pass the time between being asleep and awake. I'm going to Kansas city this weekend for a trade show / to be support. It could be interesting. I think it'll be dull. But eh, beats sitting in the office and I do get next thursday and friday off as a result. After I get back I think I'll work on my maybe. I've let the pendulum swing much too far in one direction these past years. It'll be hard to change direction. But then again they always say anything worth doing is never easy....except maybe well you're mom. She is really easy. And very much worth doing. Words to live by my friend. Words to live by. When did I stop living and just start existing. I spent so much time worrying that I worried myself out of worrying. Then I spent too much time relaxing I forgot how to relax. And now? Well now, I just am. Without purpose or aim, I am. I need more than my work. I need to work at my work. It did feel good to have a full day of no thinking and just straight working through. I had missed that feeling. Though it wasn't nearly enough, as all it left was more work to do the next day. I spent too much time thinking and what good did it get me? Nothing, so I stopped. I just became pure action, or at times inaction. I'm a mess because that is what I wanted. Now I don't know what I want. It'll all just more. Wanting more for more and then more of that. I need to want less and have more, not the reverse. Eh cryptic messages what's the point. If anyone read this anymore I'd be surprised. this is me at 1 am on a friday night. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gTaqy6IY FML i guess it could be worse. If only I had white carpets, if only. Morbid senses of humour aren't any fun if no one can appreciate the joke. end of story I've been bitching at people to visit me in California since I moved here and someone finally took me up on the offer! Or at least this year they did, 2009. I forget what we did inbetween but later that night we went out to the Saddleranch, which is a bar / restaurant in west hollywood. We got food and met up with my coworkers Cyril and Jeff and Jeff's brother. We had food, ordered a tap of beer and drank much and ate much. Eventually Dan and I both rode the mechanical bull. As to which I was the better rider, which was odd given my level of intoxication. I did pretty well for never having ridden a bull before. I stayed on the machine so long they had to turn it up to high to get me thrown off. Never one to give up, I held on until my grip gave out under the point of pain from holding it so tight (my hand was hurt for a day or so afterwards). Dan had a similar experience, but he hurt his balls as he didn't use a good grip and hold his legs tightly to the bull like I did. The next day to relax from our stressful day of being touristy and riding bulls we went to SIx Flags Magic Mountain. It was a bit of a drive but it wasn't so bad. We went on lots of rollercoasters. Some where better than others. One really hurt my crouch. Another made us wait 2 hours for a ride that was not at all worth it. Another felt like I was being ripped apart atom by atom as we circled the last turns. It was a good time. Some bitch tried to cut me in line at one point. I told her no cuts, it is against park policy to hold spots. I eventually let her in but I at least stood my groupd until she forced her way past. She got her just deserts though, as it was the line for the last ride of the night. A rumour spread through the line that the ride was shut down and in a mob mentality everyone left. Dan and I stayed waiting for someone with authority to tell us what was going on. It turned out well as the bitch left the line and we didn't and we got to ride the coaster at night. So take that bitchy-mcgee. Sunday to relax from our long day at the amuseument park we went to Santa Monica and hung out at the beach and the pier. It was nice as we played the famous "yes/no" game. Lots of pretty girls around. I even got to see a girl accidently slip out of her top and see a nip, which Dan sadly missed. Not the best i've seen, but hey they say something about gift horses. After the beach Dan and I went to the grocery store and I actually bought a pot for boiling water. Now I own a water pot, a sautee pan, and a baking sheet. I'm slowly moving up in the world while I use my paper plates and plastic silverware in the mean while. Dan made me his version of chicken parm and it was really good. I felt gross from eating so much afterwards but that has been pretty much every meal these past few days. We ate that and drank beers while waiting the great bbc show, "The IT Crowd" RAM is memory jen! I remember at some points during his stay Dan and I played dota or starcraft but I forget when that was. On the final day, today, we woke up later after our beer and chicken parm the night before and spent the afternoon going around chinatown and driving around downtown. There wasn't much to say today other than Dan is an idiot and ordered way too much food at the chinese restaurant we had lunch at. I just got the lunch special and it was enough to share between 2 people. He got a meal and in addition to that a serving of fried rice which I guess wasn't a side porition but a meal portion. We barely managed to make a dent in any of it, it was quite gross. But I will say this. For what we paid, it was a hell of a lot of food. Again I felt gross. After chinatown I showed Dan meltdown Comics and Amobea Records. The two places I actually reguarly walk to around here. Meltdown didn't have the issue i was looking for. Amobea didn't have the hipsters I was looking for either. Having shown him all the local sties and all I could think to do for 4 days in LA, I drove Dan to the airport and he went home. The only sucky part is now I have to go to work tomorrow. It was fun having someone to hang out with around here again. It is too bad he had to go back. If only I had some local friends to hang out with. I guess that sums it up for the short version of it. Expect a longer version of it to be told via the pictures on facebook. The end. Current music: kevin devine - another bag of bones. |
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